say hello, name, where joining from; how are you feeling in this moment?
agenda
context (5m)
ACT overview (5m)
6 parts (15m each, 1:30m)
theory
demo exercises
discussion
summary exercise (10m)
closing thoughts and open discussion (5m)
(grab a paper and pencil)
presence statement
here, safe, committed, none of the things you worry about will be impacted with you absently thinking about them in the next hour
context
how it started for me
I used to have a hang of things, didn't think I was ever stressed, proud of my stoicism and emotional control
but life... and at some point found myself: anxious, depressed, chronic pain
ran across an entrepreneurs story on HN, one or two phrases about where their mind was at resonated with me
and they mentioned ACT helped them, so I figured I'd at least read about it
read two books
A Liberated Mind - Steven Hayes
Values in Therapy - LeJeune
disclaimer
not a therapist
new to ACT
literally read those books and thought about it
not well practiced
not even a strong recommendation
a lot of this psychotherapy stuff is unclear
interpret through my beliefs and biases
(an certified ACT practitioner would likely give me SOOO many notes)
best hope: share some potentially useful ideas, inspire you to pursue them further
intro to ACT
psychotherapy
psychology-informed interventions to help people change behaviour to mental health (and other outcomes)
anxiety, depression, PTSD, ...
many therapies:
change yourself, not your surrounding
"how do I deal with my asshole boss?"
not: talk to him, quit
but: change how you think to make it a non-problem
hard to summarize
therapies are a grab bag of interventions, based on researcher's pet ideas
related, but no overarching theme
"CBT related"
(TBH, many therapies borrow from each other, people argue about taxonomy, as an outsider, seems like a career goal of many academic therapists is to invent a popularize a new system)
likely notice similarities with: mindfulness, buddhism, other therapies (logotherapy)
scientific
many studies, willingness to make testable claims and do the science
quality of science is debatable
but IMO, better than "avoiding / ignoring science"
overall idea: (ACT in a nutshell)
in our nature to avoid things that make us feel bad
the things we care more about
make us feel more strongly
and we avoid them more
avoidance becomes a habit
leads to avoiding the things we most value in our lives
goal:
accept that we will experience unpleasant thoughts / feelings / sensations
rather than get rid of them or change them
emotional resilience - work to lessen their effect on our lives
rather than solving "problems" and avoiding pain
reflect on our values so we can focus our lives on things that are meaningful enough to be willing to experience pain and difficult emotions
HARD!
consists of multiple skills to develop:
(terrible misrepresentation:)
stop reacting
no think, just be
give up your story
find what's important to you
...be willing to suffer for it
hack yourself with habits
the 6 skills / "pivots"
(not in a particular order, interconnected, support each other)
1 - COGNITIVE DEFUSION (15m) (12:15)
what is it
status quo
get caught up in thoughts and feelings
act (but more accurately, "react") based on every thought and feeling
ego works very hard to maintain consistency, "protect the story!"
but...
our ego story colors our perception
reductionist
"a documentary of Africa is not Africa"
limits the choices we consider for ourselves
negative self-story can be detrimental
"I am a bad student" -> don't bother making effort
"I am bad" -> general lack of self worth
even positive evaluation can be detrimental
"I am loyal" -> stay in abusive relationship
"I am kind" -> ignore truths where that is not the case
goal
"psychological flexibility"
1 - notice the story you've constructed of yourself
(and its incompleteness, and its influence on you)
2 - let go of your story, loosen how tightly it is defined
(but then... what am I?)
how desperate our ego is, eh? ...that it can't fathom such an existence)
3 - live as your "perspective-taking self" / observer-self
(hardest to get my head around)
"I am." is sufficient
"in the moment"
you are a unique perspective (forged from a unique history)
my comments
"purposeful depersonalization"
~ego death
"go with the flow", but more
plan of action:
reflection exercises
???
space for questions + discussion
a practise exercise
identify last time you lied / exaggerated / pretended
what narrative where you protecting
what activities do you take to enforce this narrative?
what activities do you avoid to enforce this narrative?
what could you do if you were free from this narrative?
space for questions + discussion
4 - VALUES (15m) (1:00)
what is it
identify what you truly value
status quo
"socially compliant goals"
chosen / influenced by others
(memetics!, not just pliance, but, desire & value-transfer)
completable
goal
"choose the qualities of being and doing that we want to evolve toward"
values are "lived actions"
never-completable, "ways of being"
verb + adverb
ex. "being loyal"
self-chosen
important to be chosen ("choose-tos", not "shoulds"/"have-tos")
appetitive
"towards...", ie, "be loving", not, "stop being mean"
related resource:
Girard's Mimetics
Frankl's Mans Search for Meaning
plan of action
uncovering values
various exercises
hints of things in your life that
give vitality
willing to be vulnerable about
"turn toward pain"
rather than ignore, numb, avoid or ruminate over sources of "emotional pain", use it as a signal to identify what to focus on
living values (prototyping)
people aren't fully clear of their values, until they experience acting on them
space for questions + discussion
a practise exercise
turn toward pain reflection
identify something that has been causing you emotional pain recently?
what would you have to not care about for this not to hurt so much?
feared eulogy
imagine your funeral was being held today and you could listen in
what would specific people say about you and your life, if they were being honest
discrepancies between the life you are living and the life you want to be living
what would your ideal life eulogy be?
space for questions + discussion
5 - ACCEPTANCE (15m) (1:15)
title
acceptance
what is it
status quo
certain situations lead to "unpleasant cognitive experience" ("feel bad")
ie. trigger certain thoughts, that then trigger certain feelings
common strategy: avoidance
opt-out - don't do the things that make you feel bad
distract - with phone, game, fantasy
denial - make up untruths to yourself
project - view someone/thing else as the cause
but...
habit of avoidance leads to a "safe" but "meaningless" life
goal
defusion, presence, flexible-perspective-taking will diminish the symptoms of "bad feelings", but not get rid of them
truly accept that "bad cognitive experiences" will happen
(nay, MUST happen!, nay, SHOULD happen!)
ie. they are part of living a meaningful life
notice when we are avoiding emotional triggers
generally, commit to "break the habit of avoidance"
accept what emotions may come with a curious detachment
choose to move toward what you care about, because it is more important than the pain
willingness to experience negative emotions, for the sake of a greater goal
plan of action
gradually expose self to sources of unpleasant emotions
w/ purpose of learning to be okay with experiencing those feelings
space for questions + discussion
a practise exercise
identify a thing your avoiding (or, that triggers you)
what is the behaviour you are avoiding?
what is the related thought / feeling / sensation you are avoiding?
how are you avoiding it? (opt-out, etc.)
what is the cost of avoiding it?
what is the benefit of doing it?
what are some related thoughts or beliefs (as to why you're not doing it)?
are they 100% true?
identify how you might welcome the experience next time it happens?
space for questions + discussion
6 - ACTION (15m) (1:30)
what is it
other 5 components provide theory, opportunity mind-shift
to make them stick, need to... regularly practice, form new habits, smart goals
regular practice
make time for
habits
(~treat yourself like you are training a dog)
focus on the process
habit formation
core loop
obvious trigger (when...)
- attractive desire
- simple activity
- satisfying reward
ex
- if... I feel negative emotions about a task at hand
then... I will stay put, do one more step
also
seeing progress
keeping a trend
"make it a top priority"
do it with someone
- => social desire & social pressure
- ex. exercise with friend
timebox
- ex. schedule it in
external accountability
- ex. tell your friend about goal, check in with them
forced deadline
- ex. sign up for a triathlon
"just get started"
a task is rarely as bad as we think
once started, perceptions of task and self change
progress feels good
habit replacement
easiest way to replace unwanted habits is to replace trigger reaction with alternative
goal settings
SMART goals
specific
measurable
actionable
realistic
time-bound
concrete goals feel like "today", abstract goals feel like "tomorrow"
expect change to come slowly, unevenly
forgive yourself for failing
(it only magnifies negative emotions related to a task, furthers avoidance)
related resource:
Atomic Habits
Solving the Procrastination Puzzle
space for questions + discussion
action-ables / exercises
(all the exercises mentioned in other sections)
a practise exercise
identify a new habit you'd like to start
identify the trigger
reflect on why the activity is desirable
what is the activity
how will you reward yourself
share it with the group
space for questions + discussion
CONCLUSION (15m) (1:45)
summary (10m)
have audience summarize:
list 6 things
list definitions
list an exercise
6 steps
defusion
presence
flexible-perspective-taking
values
acceptance
action
offer:
just learning these concepts might have changed you
but... it also takes practice
breaking habits is hard
just this week, I got triggered and emotionally "relapsed";
interested in a regular exercise group?
check-out round (15m)
prompt:
how was that? how are you?
anything resonated?
anything anti-resonated?
open conversation
share any thoughts?
similarities noticed?
differences with CBT?
generational differences
"don't be such a snowflake"
defusion, presence, ego-detachment
can help decrease or "mute" negative cognitive experiences
...but in a sense, yes
in modern world, avoidance is more available as a strategy than before (more optionality)
in "harsher" times, different culture / mindset / coping strategies
manufactured + urban + digital society does make it harder to find meaning
EXERCISES
COGNITIVE DEFUSION
disobey on purpose
do an action, but think/say you are doing another (or not doing it)
meditation - thought awareness and disconnection
movie screen
imagine your thoughts on a movie screen
can you watch them without engaging?
leaves on a stream
sit and pay attention to your stream-of-consciousness, but, let the thoughts go
disengaging with thoughts (in the moment...)
give your ego a name
+ respond to it, "thank you for that thought, George..."
sing a thought
spell a word in the thought backwards
try to describe the thought as an object (color, size, texture)
say it out loud in a funny voice
write in a paper (or imagine doing so), and move it about your field of vision - close, far, to the side, upside down
write it down and carry it with you
imagine your younger self having a given thought, how would you react to them?
write a though or self judgement on paper, stick it on yourself, in public
PRESENCE
in the moment
when lost in thought, re-engage with the present moment by identifying: two things you can hear, smell, see
exercises
meditation - attention to breath, come back when mind wander
meditation - focus on - one foot, other foot, both feet
meditation - music, switch focus between instruments, the whole
meditation - aware of thoughts/feelings, when come up, narrate "now i'm thinking...", "now i'm ..."
meditation - river / movie screen (as in defusion)
while doing an activity, alternate focus between body sensations, and the task
EGO DISTANCING
notice when/why you lie, exaggerate, pretend; try to be truthful / open
notice: "when -situation-, I -behaviour, making me think/feel -x-"
reflection
identify last time you lied / exaggerated / pretended
what narrative where you protecting
what activities do you take to enforce this narrative?
what activities do you avoid to enforce this narrative?
what could you do if you were free from this narrative?
VALUES
values card sort
prompt questions:
"Imagine you are at the end of your life, looking backward. Pick words that would describe a life you would have been proud to have lived if it was totally up to you."
"Imagine what you might choose if no one would ever know what you chose."
what you choose your life on this earth to be in service of
what are the "ends" to which you want to strive (and be willing to suffer for)
activity:
arrange cards in 3 columns: very important, important, not important
then, just keep 'very important', from those, select half
reflection questions:
a chosen value, or, one they feel they "should" be living
feelings / thoughts that come when doing the exercise
which values living now, vs aspire to?
any values a way to avoid other values?
note:
not a value identification exercise, more of a value-tasting exercise
easy to muddle "shoulds" and what others want, vs choosing your own
(though, memetics would say - that's just how values work!)