https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Co-Active-Coaching-3rd-Edition-%23U2013-Changing-Business-Transforming-Lives_nodrm.pdf
- "Imagine a relationship where the total focus is on you
- ...on what you want in your life and on what will help you achieve it
- ...Imagine a relationship with someone who will absolutely tell you the truth
- ... This coaching relationship is one of trust, confidentiality and safety"
- coach does not impose values, advice
- coach gets client to identify...
- their own values, standards, models of success
- goals
- what stands in their way
- potential solutions
- choose solutions
- coach...
- "guide client from where they are to where they want to be"
coach helps client "discover and amplify their own unique brilliance"
- "empower client to find their own answer, encourage and support on the path as they continue to make important life-giving and life-changing choices"
- coach is catalyst of change (but direction of change is up to the client)
- exists to serve the client's higher purpose
- "the saboteur"
- the doubting voice / worried / judging / critizing
- emotional, irrational, hysterical
- saboteur is part of everyone, can be overcome
- "designed alliance"
- coach and client design the relationship to meet client's needs
---
- "4 cornerstones" (of coaching)
- people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole
- client is not "broken"
- client is the expert of their situation
- "discover within the coachee, not dictate"
- creative: client can come up with innovative solutions
- resourceful: client can use what's at their disposal
- whole: client feels like they have everything they need
- coach always sees the client as capable (reminds the client if need be)
focus on the whole person
- maintain awareness of context: entire complex life of client
(ie. not just the current topic in isolation)
- identify values / what is deeply meaningful
- identify fears / avoidance
dance in this moment
- session is a co-creation of coach and client, take turns
- coach responds to stimulus rather than following a master plan
- coach steers away from past or future to the present moment
evoke transformation
- a single session may only cover specifics
- coach's "dream" for coachee:
long-term holistic growth => reach full potential
(and belief that the above is possible)
---
"3 principles" (aspect of client's life)
fulfillment
- fulfillment:
- living congruent with one's deepest values,
reaching one's full potential
- being "fully alive"
- wholeness, satisfcation, sense of rightness/harmony
- "feeling complete"
- based on client's values
- based on client's definition of fulfillment
- identify values dissonance
balance
- "juggle the priorities in one's life"
- balance is possible
- values often compete with each other
- requires saying no to certain competing things
- appx balance at any time and over time
- balance is ever-changing, better to consider "moving towards / away?" vs "achieved?"
- "formula for balance coaching"
- perspective
- identify client's limiting perspective (belief/model of how things work)
- most things are complex, can be viewed/modeled in various ways
- view situation from various perspectives
- choice
- have client choose a perspective
- strategy
- come up with possible actions, narrow down
- keep realistic, but stretch beyond easy
- commitment
- "will you commit to this plan?"
- action
- client takes action
process
- don't obsess on "results" / destination
(improvement is never done)
- have client experience the present, feel emotions (not avoid)
(positive and negative)
- exploring the client's present experience, emotions
- identify the client's 'avoidance/supression' zones (ex. money)
---
"5 contexts"
curiosity
- understanding client via curious exploration (not inquisition)
- (avoid yes / no questions, "why?" questions)
listening
- deep attention
- active, listen at many layers
- not just words: tone, body language, what's unsaid, etc.
- *not* offering advice, empathisizing through their own stories, etc.
intuition
- make use of the subconscious ("thinking fast"); trust it
forward and deepen
- coaching is both: learning and action
- deepen the learning
- forward the action
self-management
- coach notices their own...
- ...opinions: sets aside
- ...assumptions: confirm with client
- ...distracting ideas: note to discuss later
avoid giving advice, telling your own story
---
"coaching skills"
articulation
concisely repeat back to client what they said
clarifying
when client is unclear, ask related question or try to articulate to gain clarity
meta-view
re-frame; big picture view of client's life
metaphor
use imagery, etc. to clarify / articulate
ackowledging
recognize client's situation, help them feel seen and understood
intruding
interrupt rambling, jump in to clarify, etc.
blurting
saying something, without worry of it being polished / clear
silences and pauses
allow for silent pauses
powerful questions
questions that usually don't have an immediate known answer
provocative
homework inquiry
small assignment (ex. written answer to a question)
goal setting
create goals from client's plans/intentions
brainstorming
generatinng ideas/possibilities/options with client; client sorts through
no bad ideas
suggest out-of-the-box ideas
requesting
"formal" request do something
challenging
an ambitious request (that may be negotiated down)
recovery
notice disconnect, mention it, and reconnect
ask permission
"may we work with this issue?" etc.
bottom-lining
asking client to get to the point
championing
be the clients champion, celebrate success; affirm
clearing
if notice client is distracted about something, give opportunity to vent
reframing
re-frame client's perspective
making distinctions
untangling client's entangled beliefs
----
coachee's participate in coaching b/c they want things to be different
good questions:
- what do you want different?
- what frustrations / dissatisfactions in life?
- what motivates?
- what's blocking?
- recall moments of fulfillment
- what do you want to change?
- what do you want to achieve?
- what is your vision?
- what is present when life is most alive for you?
- what do you value?
(rank top values)
(evaluate how honoring)
- what areas in your life are hard for you to be with or explore?
- what is the hunger i am here to feed?
- where is the pain I can ease?
life purpose statement
(uncover and/or ignite a compelling vision)
change requires changes
Wheel of Life
Career
Money
Health
Friends and Family
Significant Other / Romance
Personal Growth
Fun and Recreation
Physical Environment
level of fulfilment in each
what would fulfilled life in each look like?