📓 co-active coaching

https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Co-Active-Coaching-3rd-Edition-%23U2013-Changing-Business-Transforming-Lives_nodrm.pdf

• "Imagine a relationship where the total focus is on you
  • ...on what you want in your life and on what will help you achieve it
  • ...Imagine a relationship with someone who will absolutely tell you the truth
  • ... This coaching relationship is one of trust, confidentiality and safety"
• coach does not impose values, advice
  • coach gets client to identify...
    • their own values, standards, models of success
    • goals
    • what stands in their way
    • potential solutions
    • choose solutions
• coach...
  • "guide client from where they are to where they want to be"
  • coach helps client "discover and amplify their own unique brilliance"
  • "empower client to find their own answer, encourage and support on the path as they continue to make important life-giving and life-changing choices"
  • coach is catalyst of change (but direction of change is up to the client)
  • exists to serve the client's higher purpose
• "the saboteur"
  • the doubting voice / worried / judging / critizing
  • emotional, irrational, hysterical
  • saboteur is part of everyone, can be overcome
• "designed alliance"
  • coach and client design the relationship to meet client's needs

"4 cornerstones" (of coaching)

• people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole
  • client is not "broken"
  • client is the expert of their situation
  • "discover within the coachee, not dictate"
  • creative: client can come up with innovative solutions
  • resourceful: client can use what's at their disposal
  • whole: client feels like they have everything they need
  • coach always sees the client as capable (reminds the client if need be)
• focus on the whole person
  • maintain awareness of context: entire complex life of client (ie. not just the current topic in isolation)
  • identify values / what is deeply meaningful
  • identify fears / avoidance
• dance in this moment
  • session is a co-creation of coach and client, take turns
  • coach responds to stimulus rather than following a master plan
  • coach steers away from past or future to the present moment
• evoke transformation
  • a single session may only cover specifics
  • coach's "dream" for coachee:
    • long-term holistic growth => reach full potential
    • (and belief that the above is possible)

"3 principles" (aspect of client's life)

fulfillment

• fulfillment:
  • living congruent with one's deepest values, reaching one's full potential
  • being "fully alive"
  • wholeness, satisfaction, sense of rightness/harmony
  • "feeling complete"
• based on client's values
• based on client's definition of fulfillment
• identify values dissonance

balance

• "juggle the priorities in one's life"
• balance is possible
• values often compete with each other
• requires saying no to certain competing things
• appx balance at any time and over time
• balance is ever-changing, better to consider "moving towards / away?" vs "achieved?"
• "formula for balance coaching"
  • perspective
    • identify client's limiting perspective (belief/model of how things work)
    • most things are complex, can be viewed/modeled in various ways
    • view situation from various perspectives
  • choice
    • have client choose a perspective
  • strategy
    • come up with possible actions, narrow down
    • keep realistic, but stretch beyond easy
  • commitment
    • "will you commit to this plan?"
  • action
    • client takes action

process

• don't obsess on "results" / destination (improvement is never done)
• have client experience the present, feel emotions (not avoid) (positive and negative)
• exploring the client's present experience, emotions
• identify the client's 'avoidance/suppression' zones (ex. money)

"5 contexts"

curiosity

• understanding client via curious exploration (not inquisition)
• (avoid yes / no questions, "why?" questions)

listening

• deep attention
• active, listen at many layers
  • not just words: tone, body language, what's unsaid, etc.
• not offering advice, empathisizing through their own stories, etc.

intuition

• make use of the subconscious ("thinking fast"); trust it

forward and deepen

• coaching is both: learning and action
• deepen the learning
• forward the action

self-management

• coach notices their own...
  • ...opinions: sets aside
  • ...assumptions: confirm with client
  • ...distracting ideas: note to discuss later
• avoid giving advice, telling your own story

"coaching skills"

• articulation
  • concisely repeat back to client what they said
• clarifying
  • when client is unclear, ask related question or try to articulate to gain clarity
• meta-view
  • re-frame; big picture view of client's life
• metaphor
  • use imagery, etc. to clarify / articulate
• ackowledging
  • recognize client's situation, help them feel seen and understood
• intruding
  • interrupt rambling, jump in to clarify, etc.
• blurting
  • saying something, without worry of it being polished / clear
• silences and pauses
  • allow for silent pauses
• powerful questions
  • questions that usually don't have an immediate known answer
  • provocative
• homework inquiry
  • small assignment (ex. written answer to a question)
• goal setting
  • create goals from client's plans/intentions
• brainstorming
  • generatinng ideas/possibilities/options with client; client sorts through
  • no bad ideas
  • suggest out-of-the-box ideas
• requesting
  • "formal" request do something
• challenging
  • an ambitious request (that may be negotiated down)
• recovery
  • notice disconnect, mention it, and reconnect
• ask permission
  • "may we work with this issue?" etc.
• bottom-lining
  • asking client to get to the point
• championing
  • be the clients champion, celebrate success; affirm
• clearing
  • if notice client is distracted about something, give opportunity to vent
• reframing
  • re-frame client's perspective
• making distinctions
  • untangling client's entangled beliefs

• coachee's participate in coaching b/c they want things to be different

good questions:

• what do you want different?
• what frustrations / dissatisfactions in life?
• what motivates?
• what's blocking?
• recall moments of fulfillment
• what do you want to change?
• what do you want to achieve?
• what is your vision?
• what is present when life is most alive for you?
• what do you value?
  • (rank top values)
  • (evaluate how honoring)
• what areas in your life are hard for you to be with or explore?
• what is the hunger i am here to feed?
• where is the pain I can ease?
• life purpose statement
• (uncover and/or ignite a compelling vision)
• change requires changes

Wheel of Life

• Career
• Money
• Health
• Friends and Family
• Significant Other / Romance
• Personal Growth
• Fun and Recreation
• Physical Environment
• level of fulfilment in each
• what would fulfilled life in each look like?